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Last Entry: goodbye [17 Jan 2005|07:09pm]
[ mood | blank ]

So it has all come down to this, my last live journal entry forever, good. I am holding nothing back because I have nothing to hide anymore. I will use your name and I will hurt you or love you, maybe you wont even care, but this is how I feel so just deal with it. I don't really expect anyone to read this anyway because that is how my journal has always been. These past few months have thought me a lot, how distorted my vision has been, and trying to understand why I held on to everything that I did for so long. I feel free, alive, and not like I am there for someone's personal amusement anymore. I am sick of hypocrites, back-stabbers, and manipulators, you all know who you are. I am grateful this all happened because I know who my true friends are now, and I love you all:

Jen: you've always been there for me sweetheart, and I will always love you for this. Even in seventh grade when Amy, Ashley, and Robyn hated me, you were cool about me and Shannon together. Although so much has changed, all you have ever cared about was my happiness, never change Jen, you are an amazing person. You and Dan are truly fantastic for each other, good for you baby, and Dan too. I always knew you would be there for me.

Pat: my best friend, my butt buddy...where do I begin. I might say some pretty mean(but funny) shit to you, but it is all in good fun, you know that. So lets just kick back and watch some cartoons, play some bitchin' music, and let the good times roll. Go for Jill man, fuck Jon, he isn't there, you guys will be happy together. It was fun watching you guys Saturday, she was so flirting with you dude, she cannot even deny that. Best friends for life man, it's like, hey....lets hang out.

Dan f'ing Carr: Oh so sexy and cool. I haven't known you for that long but I consider you one of my best friends dude, you always make me laugh. Make Jen feel good huh....she doesn't have enough self-esteem, and she deserves to be happy more than a lot of people. You are a great person Dan, always know that I am hear to talk.

Rach: my little cutie-pie. Sit and think for about five minutes.... we've really been through a lot homie. Look how much we have both changed, I am so proud of you cutie, always comfortable with being yourself. Out of all the people I know, I really hope that when we are all grown up, we will still be friends, I love you Rachel, that much I can say. Steven makes you happy, so that makes me happy. Never forget to smile, it will make your day better.

There are more, but none quite as special as those people right there. There are a lot of people who cannot even compare to how amazing they are. But now there are others, who have just shocked me beyond belief that I wish not to say unkind words about them but this being such a grand of occasion I feel it is right to. Some of you I respect more than I can say, but your poor judgment makes me shake me head in disbelief and sorrow. Please understand that I can never hate any of you, but I do not think I can have you in my life any longer.

Amy: I loved, I love you, for this love have lost
state, station, heaven, mankind's, my own esteem
and yet not cannot regret what it hath cost,
so dear is still the memory of that dream;
yet, if I name my guilt, 'tis not to boast,
none can deem harshlier of me than I deem.
I trace this scrawl because I cannot rest-
I've nothing to reproach or to request.
I wish I did not know the things you and others have said about me, I had always thought of you as the one person I could always talk to. But that trust is sadly no more, and I hate to believe that it is gone forever, but I do not see it ever being restored. "I got the hint", but I had to find it myself, while others sat in amusement and mocked my sorrow. I wish you were not one of them. I cannot help but ask why, how could someone I use to love so much go so far away? Maybe your life will be better without me in it, after all I am quite pathetic, aren't I? The world is not after you, I know if you stopped walking you could smell the flowers if you want, just leave the weight of the world behind and you'll find out. But it has been so long since we last talked, maybe this has already happened. I never thought you would be so quick to look at someone and judge them by appearance, that was a very unpleasant shock to me. It would be nice to believe you were going to approach Michelle and tell her that you have said some very nasty things about her, and you were only being rude and you apologize full-heartedly for it. I know that doesn't sound "realistic," but the Amy I once thought I knew would do just that, I really don't want to think I have been this wrong about you Poo. Live life, it's waiting for you..

Shannon: No more lies, no more sugar-coated truths, just be honest, something you could never do, try as you might. I will never understand you, your logic and sense of direction in life, you have just kept too many things secret from me I do not even know who you are, nor do I wish to find out who that person is. Let me be that nostalgia you hide in your closet, fine, it doesn't sadden me, nor does it even shock me if you do just that, but I never forget, and I never will. You have hurt me more than I can even begin to explain, you know what you have done, feel however you want to about it, it does not change what has been done. Why did you let it drag out again, it did not work the first time, why wait again. You knew how you felt but you held on, don't ever think I needed your pity, this was all you. What were you trying to prove? You've become everything we use to hate, and what I still do. You've become just another face in the crowd now, it use to make me physically sick to even see you in home room, but now it does not even phase me. The one thing I will never forget, is how much you took love for granted. You went to JFHS practice, and needed money, so I gave it to you, nothing, but then you said "I love you", learn what love is Shannon, maybe your life will be better off. So this is it now, I have nothing more to say, because there is nothing I can say nice about you.

To all of you, life is what you make it, so do with it what you will. For those of you who have really made a difference in my life, I will see you another day, but others, well...best of luck to you in life.

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[28 Dec 2004|07:09pm]
I am going to be making a new user name soon, as_seen_ontv_, but it is not in exsistance as of yet, oh but it will be!!!!!!!!

It's about time for a new name.
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[25 Dec 2004|09:29am]
[ mood | crazy ]

Merry Christmas you sick little monkeys!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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[23 Nov 2004|08:41pm]
[ mood | shpadoinkleless ]

my days was pretty good, but I lost my shpadoinkle.

how was your day?

8 comments|post comment

[19 Nov 2004|05:36pm]
[ mood | chipper ]


Have a shpadoinkle day :D

2 comments|post comment

[18 Nov 2004|06:07pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Today really has been terrible, nothing good came from it. The funeral is over, although everyone is still sad I know they will be able to get over it, but Kelsey..... I know you wont ever see this but god I am so sorry for what happened to you. I wish I could be there for you right now, he was only two, it just is not right. I'm sorry...

1 comment|post comment

[26 Oct 2004|10:31pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Why are girls so stupid?

6 comments|post comment

know me better I guess, random questions [17 Oct 2004|03:37pm]
[ mood | significant ]

1.Who do I think is the greatest song writer of all time?
2.(follow up):What is my favorite band of all time, through and through?
3.Do you think I would die for you? Would you do the same?
4.Do I appear happy to you, if no, what would you do to make me smile?
5.When is my birthday?
6.What is my favorite show?
7.Who is my favorite character on that show?(hint: has only been in one episode)
8.What is my favorite movie?(options: BASEketBall, Cannibal, South Park, Team America)
9.What would you give our friendship from 1-10, what do you think I give it?
10.What is my favorite song?(options: Friday I'm in Love, Just like Heaven, burn, a letter to Elise)
11.What band posters cover my room?
12.What instrument do I play?

4 comments|post comment

[15 Oct 2004|06:04pm]
Social Haven

cool name for a band or not?
6 comments|post comment

[10 Oct 2004|05:35pm]
Over Kish's house, kinda bored. I wish that someone would hang out with us.
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Relay girls [07 Sep 2004|07:33pm]
[ mood | sphadoinkle ]

I'm gonna pack all of my heavy sweat pants, so if you want to wear a pair to sleep(because it is going to get cold) please comment, or ask me somewhere. I know, I am such a great guy;D Also, girls doing Relay Idol, do you still want me to bring baggy shit for you to wear? Because I am only going to have so much room in my bag.

2 comments|post comment

wow [06 Aug 2004|05:38pm]
Rick James died this morning of a heart attack, long live the king of funk.
2 comments|post comment

[02 Jun 2004|07:37pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Only 2 days until the freshmen party, so I hope to see a lot of people there. Even if a lot don't go, it is still gonna be fun. Me and the Kishs' are rockin' out every day til the show, I think we actually sound good now. We have all the songs down good, so I think we are ready.

1 comment|post comment

IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!! [13 May 2004|05:12pm]
[ mood | DESPERATE ]

Ok, this entry is very important to anyone who has even the "slightest!" capabilities of acting. Me and my good friend Adam are working on a project, which is a silent film called "Life of a Mime." Production will hopefully start in early June, that is if I finish the storyboard in time....anyway. I really need about 5 or 6 extras to play some parts parts. Boys and girls. If you are interested by this contact me and I will give you more information on the project.

3 comments|post comment

yay! [11 May 2004|10:15am]
Live journal is back on in school!! I don't have to pay attention in Brac's anymore....he is such a butt monkey.
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ehh.... [02 Apr 2004|04:08pm]
[ mood | bored ]

So very bored. Don't have any concrete plans for the weekend....again. Anyone who hs an opening for a buddy I am avalable... but then again don't count on me to be able to come, I probably wont have a ride...again.

3 comments|post comment

Yo. [23 Mar 2004|05:52pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

I downloaded Paint Shop Pro8, so soon I will make my journal pretty for all to see. Well not all, friends only. Yea, and now I am taking people off my friends list, so ummmm... yea.... bye bye losers who don't read my journal :)

2 comments|post comment

Hot second [12 Mar 2004|05:39pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

This probably wont effect anyone, but for some reason i put "voyager" as the song I was listening to, and I have always called it that, but it's "voyeur" and that is probably only fun for people who know what a voyeur is :)

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We couldn't wait, for something new.... [12 Mar 2004|05:18pm]
[ mood | horny ]

Right now, this weekend looks like it is gonna suck major balls, but what can ya' really do when shit like this happens. I am proud of Shannon for joining softball, because now she has something that will make her feel good about herself. She always complains and says "I am fat" even though I think she is beautiful and perfect, now she can be comfortable with her body. I really wish I had something that I could be proud about. I'm not really good at anything.

I wish Frankie could jam with me and Pat more often, because we haven't since like late January or early Febryary, something like that.

I guess this is kinda good I have a weekend to myself, I don't really feel like seeing anyone, nothing against my friends, right now I just want to be alone...

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23 Months!! [08 Mar 2004|06:48pm]
Yay, today is twenty three months for me and Shan!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone who didn't know can congratulate us now! :)

I love my Shannon
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